Part four of my 5 Decisions: Self-Care through Self-Discipline… and what that means to me.
Recap:
– Shit was unbearably fucked up
– Causes: The unwitting assimilation of Nihilistic Belief Patterns
– Got to a breaking point
– Soul took the wheel
– Examing CONTROL
– What the fuck do I do now?
– Couldn’t go with belief any longer, sheer will now
– Going to The Ancestors
– The Message
– Realizing it starts with the thoughts that inform the beliefs
– What change REALLY means
– Desire to order my life
– Benefits: re-allocation of energy
– A tool
– What do I need the tool to do? My needs and priorities
—
Restructuring my thoughts/beliefs/feelings in regards to discipline.
It all started with the thought that self discipline = self care. I had not ever connected those two concepts before. I’d thought of discipline as some type of rigidity imposed by authority figures as way to get me ‘in line’.
It can be (and is) used in this manner, but the key difference here is that this is truly is imposed by SELF. This is for Self. This is something important to Self. I never had a purpose that I gave myself permission to think of as being important enough to give it structure.
Discipline has always been about someone else’s ideas for me…
“Good work habits so you get good grades, so you can go to college.”
“Good work habits so you can do good in college, so you can become a doctor, scientist or at least a good paying corporate job.”
“Good work habits so you can do well at your job and move up and be recognized.”
It seemed like a continual prison that I would have to voluntarily commit myself to!
Thinking of myself under ‘the artist’ construct, I believed everything had to be fluid and natural. That attainment just fell out the sky as a shower of magical blessings. I can see now that Self-Discipline is part of THAT magick!
Now back to the caring about myself… I cared enough about myself to not want to feel the way I was feeling. I cared enough to put my foot down and say no more!
That must mean this was IMPORTANT for me. It was the MOST important thing on the plate. I wanted Peace. I wanted a change in my immediate environment that would facilitate that.
In order to practice this ‘caring‘, I would have to engage in Self-Discipline. And it being something I REALLY wanted, self imposed discipline was also something I now wanted to do!
Self-Care = Self-Discipline and I am actually happy to have come to understand this. I want to be on My Road with all the necessary supplies and tools in hand.
So in practice…
– Self-Discipline in my thoughts (caring about what I was thinking about, where I place my focus)
– Self-Discipline in my emotions (caring where I place my energy… love, hate, fear, etc/ie. who I was giving it to)
– Self-Discipline in my physical body (caring enough to take care of it, so I can feel good and have the energy to do the work I WANT to do)
Self-Care is also about respect for The Divine.
Divine/Nature always makes things for some purpose. Everything is a part of The Equilibrium. The trees, the birds, the insects… they all have purposes. By logical extrapolation, I must have a purpose then too. My purpose = #mysoulgoals. I will respect that purpose and I will care for that purpose.
It’s also about respect for The Ancestors.
Taking care of myself honors the feelings/thoughts They had of the future as They were struggling for Their lives. Honoring and loving the fact that I am here because of Their perseverance. I will do the very best I can with My Life as tribute to Their lives.
I will respect myself as part of Divine/Nature and part of the Ancestors lineage/DNA.
Things you respect, you treat with reverence and care.
This learned through observance and habit.
Habit is formed through Self-Discipline.
—
And the final decision and last post…
Acceptance That My Previous Beliefs Are What Has Gotten Me Here
