{"id":359,"date":"2019-08-11T22:56:59","date_gmt":"2019-08-11T22:56:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/centermoon.com\/?p=359"},"modified":"2021-08-21T01:03:37","modified_gmt":"2021-08-21T01:03:37","slug":"acceptance-making-peace-with-what-torments-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/centermoon.com\/index.php\/2019\/08\/11\/acceptance-making-peace-with-what-torments-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Acceptance | Making Peace With Your Past"},"content":{"rendered":"

\r\n\r\n<\/span><\/p>\r\n

\"this<\/a><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\"woman<\/span><\/p>\r\n

[Edited for clarity 10\/19\/2019 and re edited 08\/14\/2021] <\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

MAKING PEACE WITH THE PAST<\/span><\/h2>\r\n

Making peace with your past. I truly did not know what this meant.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

I mean, I understood the concept of it. That by doing this, I would somehow be able to move \u201ccleanly\u201d forward from some situations that had me mentally, and emotionally stuck in the past. I just did not understand the logistics of it. <\/span><\/p>\r\n

Like how in hell can you make peace with a situation that hurt so badly, that most days you move through life pretending like it never even happened.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

.<\/span>You know, like broken relationships, deeply hurting someone you loved, bad childhoods\u2026 How in the world can you REALLY make peace with these type of things??? Like for reals. Not just with lip service, but deep down in your soul, so that your whole body knows it.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

That\u2019s what I wanted to know. And one day the Universe answered me.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n

WHAT IT ISN\u2019T<\/span><\/h2>\r\n

Subconsciously, I equated making peace with the battlefield<\/em>, and the \u201cwaving of the white flag\u201d. Somewhere in my mind, making peace symbolically meant giving in, surrendering, being defeated<\/i>. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

It meant losing something, and somehow becoming weaker. Or cowering to someone or something. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

It represented giving my power away, and letting my defenses down.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

And on another level, it also meant giving up control<\/i> around being able to finally fix a situation, at some undetermined, \u201cforever in the future\u201d time. And doing this would require an acknowledgment that I had ultimately failed.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n

WHAT IT TURNED OUT TO BE<\/span>
<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\r\n

Through a pretty stressful inner talk around a past situation, I came to realize that making peace<\/i> = acceptance<\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

The acceptance of the way things are, not what they should be.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

Let me say that one more time for the people in the back\u2026<\/span><\/p>\r\n

Making peace is the acceptance of the way things ARE, as opposed to WHAT THEY SHOULD BE.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\r\n

It\u2019s the acceptance of what\u2019s left, after you shove all the \u201ccould\u2019ves, would\u2019ves, should\u2019ves, and what ifs\u201d to the side and out the way.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

Coming across this tweet was the breakthrough.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n

[ https:\/\/twitter.com\/Rude_Astrology\/status\/1158354875861884928<\/a> ]<\/span><\/p>\r\n

“You’re stuck in how it should be not how it is. That’s why you’re failing.”<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n

I was like \u201cWhoa. This is it.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

Making peace is <\/span>the conscious act of <\/span>SEEING things as they really are, <\/span>and A<\/span>CCEPT<\/span>ING<\/span> THAT REALIZATION <\/span>into your consciousness <\/span>as <\/span>the <\/span>truth<\/span>. That\u2019s it. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

No more:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u2013 Denial
\u2013 Fighting with the truth
\u2013 Struggling from a place based on incorrect assumptions<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

Just a<\/span>cceptance <\/span>and<\/span> true acknowledgment. Then you can act from <\/span>the Truth of what\u2019s <\/span>really <\/span>here.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

But\u2026 <\/span><\/span>s<\/span><\/span>eeing things AS THEY REALLY ARE is a lot easier said, than done.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

We\u2019ve got to t<\/span>unnel behind <\/span>any feelings<\/span> that <\/span>might be <\/span>falsely <\/span>tinting<\/span> a situation<\/span> for us.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

HOW IT CAN HELP<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\r\n

In the acceptance of the Truth, you can NOW choose to say from a place of relief, \u201cOkay. It is what it is. What am I going to do NOW?\u201d. The battle is over and you now have control of the only thing you ever did, your actions about the situation. Only now, your actions can be based on reality, and be REAL and impactful solutions.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

You can now plan action from truth. Or plan no action at all. Or decide that you don\u2019t know what to do yet, and just stay with the truth of it, and see what comes up.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

WHAT IT TAKES<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\r\n

This wasn\u2019t an easy process AT ALL. It went deep. I did it alone and I struggled.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

It was scary, and at times I felt like I was going to implode, but shit had to go.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

I did A LOT of writing over the course of several days. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

I took a lot of breaks when it got too rough, but I came back to it. But I was determined to bring myself into the present, whatever that might take.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\r\n

There will most likely be a struggle (war???) over your belief systems around the situation. This is a snippet of what it looked like for me:<\/span><\/p>\r\n

\r\n

Mak<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>e<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong> <\/i>p<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>eace <\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>w<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>ith <\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>t<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>he <\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>p<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>ast<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>.

<\/span><\/span><\/strong>What <\/span><\/span>the hell does that even mean<\/span><\/span>?! Mak<\/span><\/span>e<\/span><\/span> peace with what <\/span><\/span>has been <\/span><\/span>torment<\/span><\/span>ing\/haunting<\/span><\/span> me<\/span><\/span>?! <\/span><\/span>That s<\/span><\/span>ounds like acquiescence. Surrender. Defeat.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

Is it <\/i><\/span><\/span>though<\/i><\/span><\/span>?<\/i><\/span><\/span> What does \u2018making peace\u2019 <\/i><\/span><\/span>really <\/i><\/span><\/span>entail?
<\/i><\/span><\/span>C<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/em>owering?
<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/em>Being a door mat?
Giving your power away?
<\/i><\/span><\/span>Fear?
<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/em>Stockholm Syndrome?
<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/strong>Do any of those sound like <\/i><\/span><\/span>p<\/i><\/span><\/span>eace <\/i><\/span><\/span>to you<\/i><\/span><\/span>?<\/i><\/span><\/span>
<\/span><\/span><\/strong>
Well h<\/span><\/span>ow <\/span><\/span>in the world <\/span><\/span>can <\/span><\/span>I<\/span><\/span> have peace with something that is causing <\/span><\/span>me<\/span><\/span> so much<\/span><\/span> pain?! <\/span><\/span>That doesn\u2019t even make sense to me!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

You want to overcome it, get rid of it, vanquish it, fix it\u2026 right? What if \u201cmaking peace\u201d with it can be a first step to accomplishing all of the above?<\/span><\/span><\/i><\/strong><\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n

HOW TO DO<\/span><\/h2>\r\n

So back to the tunneling behind emotions part\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

We\u2019ve got to <\/span><\/span>take a step back<\/i><\/span><\/span> and r<\/span><\/span>emov<\/span><\/span>e<\/span><\/span> the emotions from around a situation. <\/span><\/span>The goal is <\/span><\/span>seeing <\/span><\/span>what\u2019s going on<\/span><\/span> from the viewpoint of an outsider who is not emotionally invested.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

Examples of thoughts we might be holding around situations:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u201cShe should be doing __________! Why isn\u2019t she?! This is not how it\u2019s supposed to be. This is not how it used to be. If I do __________, she\u2019ll come back around.\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u201cHe keeps acting like __________! If only he\u2019d _______ , everything would be great! It used to be great.\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u201cIf only I\u2019d done ____________ \u2026 I wish I had a time machine. I could make it right. Right now I\u2019d be sitting pretty.\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

No.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

What IS the situation? Where are you RIGHT NOW?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

What\u2019s the reality of it RIGHT NOW?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

See it. Feel it. Struggle through to the acceptance of it. That\u2019s where the peace IS. The fight is WITHIN, not with someone or some thing. The fight is for the Truth of Now.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

There will likely be tears, inner screaming (and outer too? lol), the feeling of holding on for dear life, but at some point we have to trust and just step off and see what happens. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

We can examine the fears surrounding our holding on to whatever it is that makes us feel safe\/justified\/comfortable. This might be an opportunity to see if those fears are logic based. Or were they slapped together in a terrified panic, to stave off the full blow of a traumatic experience.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n

MORE THAT WE CAN DO<\/span><\/h2>\r\n

We may also be able to say: <\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u201cI made the best choices with the mental\/emotional tools, and information I had on hand, at the time.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u201cI accept the outcome of the choices I made. With what I knew, I did the best I could do. (or I did what I thought was right\u2026 what I thought was the best for everyone involved.)\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

You can acknowledge from here that there is nothing else you can do about what transpired, and that you\u2019re all \u201ctried out\u201d.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

You can acknowledge that the decisions you\u2019ve made have turned to shit, AND still be okay with that. Still be At Peace With That. And can now move on in peace<\/i>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

WE can acknowledge the TRUTH of what happened, without beating ourselves up over it.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n

FROM HERE<\/span><\/h2>\r\n

We sometimes tell ourselves lies to get us through hard times. To ease the pain and to just survive<\/i>. That\u2019s our instinctual defense\/survival mechanism. That IS<\/u> it\u2019s job.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

We are human and this is life.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

But at some point, those lies no longer serve who we are, and\/or are trying to become.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

From this place, the point is The Lesson Learned, and being able to move forward with those lessons.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

This is about growth. Growing into a better life that requires the recognition of the reality of our experiences.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

And with all of this, we can now set down the heavy, heavy weight and truly move forward.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

Just some things to maybe think about.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

Hope this helps someone who needs it.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

All The Best,
Tru<\/span><\/span><\/p>\r\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n

\r\n

The links below are Amazon Affiliate links.\u00a0 Go here<\/a> to read my disclosure.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\r\n

<\/a>\"\"<\/span><\/p>\r\nHealing the Heart of Conflict: Eight Crucial Steps to Making Peace with Yourself and with Others Revised and Updated<\/a>\"\"<\/span><\/td>\r\n

\r\n

<\/a>\"\"<\/span><\/p>\r\nAeraVida Legendary Chinese Dragon Abalone Shell Inlaid .925 Sterling Silver Pendant Necklace<\/a>\"\"<\/span><\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n

[Photo Credit: Kinga Cichewicz<\/a>]<\/span><\/p>\r\n

<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[Edited for clarity 10\/19\/2019 and re edited 08\/14\/2021] MAKING PEACE WITH THE PAST Making peace with your past. 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